And it was just the start of my favourite scene, the bar insults - where Steve Martin's Cyrano de Bergerac character C.D. Bales responds to a poorly chosen insult to his nose by showing his opponent just what a well crafted insult can be, with a long list of carefully chosen bon mots about his own most prominent feature...
C.D. Bales: Obvious: 'Scuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? Meteorological: Everybody take cover. She's going to blow. Fashionable: You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, like Wyoming. Personal: Well, here we are, just the three of us. Punctual: All right, Delbman, your nose was on time but you were fifteen minutes late. Envious: Ooooh, I wish I were you. Gosh, to be able to smell your own ear. Naughty: Uh, pardon me, sir. Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away. Philosophical: You know, it's not the size of a nose that's important, it's what's in it that matters. Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze and it's goodbye Seattle. Commercial: Hi. I'm Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose for $39.95 Polite: Uh, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, uh, orchestra keeps changing tempo. Melodic: Everybody. (group sings) He's got the whole world in his nose. Sympathetic: Aw, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God? Complementary: You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides? Obscure: Hoo, I'd hate to see the grindstone. Well, think about it. Inquiry: When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid? French: Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave! Pornographic: Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once.
How many is that?
Bar Patron: 14, Chief.
C.D. Bales: Religious: The Lord giveth. And He just kept on giving didn't he? Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair? Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine! Aromatic: It must wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee, in Brazil. Appreciative: Oooo, how original. Most people just have their teeth capped. Dirty: Your name wouldn't be Dick?